Smiling Through the Pain

This morning's run (7 in a row) was much needed. Thank you old school hip hop for getting me through it!  You see, even though I am smiling in my picture, I am not OK. God, I love my almost 3 year old but I'm at my breaking point with no rest in sight.  She wakes up at 6 am screaming at the top of her lungs and doesn't stop until her head hits the pillow at night.  I can't pass her off to her Dad because she wants nothing to do with him, she's attached to my hip, which means I now have two people to comfort. 

So why am I smiling?  Because I've been taught to mask the depression, anxiety and pain. I've been taught that people will like you more if you don't show it. I've been taught I have to keep the peace so I should just deal. I've learned it's easier to apologize even when I'm not in the wrong. Don't even get me started on the toxic positivity I was fed - it could take up an entire therapy session. "Look on the bright side! Just smile!  Think positive!" Well, that's bullshit. It's unhealthy.  Feelings are meant to be shared and not boxed away. 

It's OK to not be OK.

 #mentalillnessawareness

Conquering My Inner Demons

I Conquered some of my inner demons by stepping out of my comfort zone and running a 4 mile race - a distance I haven't run in quite a while - in the rain no less. Every time I doubted myself I said, "not today!". It's what got me jumping over all those puddles too!  Even when the fog shrouded the finish line, I didn't give up.  Even when my Garmin watch stopped soon after stepping over the start line, I didn't give up.  This was my last race of 2019 and it was a good one!

A Bad Case of Mom Guilt

Feeling the mom guilt HARD today. 

My allergies got the best of me this weekend and, to say I'm miserable, is an understatement. The baby also woke up snotty and puffy eyed so we are a matching pair. No fevers, thankfully, but I almost wish we had one. I'm supposed to take her to gymnastics this morning and I just can't. When I'm not blowing my nose, I'm sneezing. 

So, why do I feel so guilty about missing this optional activity with her? Is it just mom guilt or is it my anxiety manifesting itself as perfectionism? I'd like to think I'm a smart woman so I know I should take care of myself, but I have the hardest time staying home because I'M SICK. In fact, it's so bad that I took an allergy pill this morning so I can rationalize to myself that now it is not safe for me to drive across town to my 15 month old's gymnastics class. 

Sigh.

I still feel guilty.

And it's Monday.  

Egg Fast Diet Success!

Mmm, eggs. Eggs for days! . . . #eggfast #eggfastdiet #lchf #lowcarb #lowcarbdiet #fitmom #movemorefitnessambassador #eggs #weightlossjourney

A post shared by Sabrina Horton (@runloveyogamom) on Jul 3, 2018 at 9:18am PDT

I mainly posted about this on my Instagram Account , but I've had a few followers reach out with questions about it so I decided to dust off the old blog to jot down my thoughts on my second Egg Fast.

The plan I followed is from fellow blogger, I Breathe I'm Hungry.  You can find the plan HERE.

I've followed this plan once before over 2 years ago so I decided to refer back to it this time, although there are other Egg Fasts out there.

But why you ask?

I decided to follow this plan because June consisted of 2 weeks of fun albeit unhealthy eating and I knew without stepping on the scale that I'd gained back some of the 20 + pounds I'd recently lost.

An egg fast would help me clean out my liver, get back the energy I so desperately needed and help me loose the bloat.

Did I succeed?

Hell yes!

Do I hate eggs now?

Kinda.  I did eat 3 almost 4 of the cartons that I bought to do this.

How much weight did I lose?

5 pounds which is what I gained back from all that celebrating and vacationing.  The first time I did one I lost 6 or 6.5 pounds in 7 days.

What will I do now?

My plan of attack now is to keep eating at least one egg based meal a day and keep fasting for 16 hours minimum a day.  I think I am also going to work on fasting 24 hours at least once a week.

Why Intermittent Fasting?

Well now, that's a question for another post.

Questions about the egg fast?  Please message me.  I'll try to answer them the best I can. 

I'm going to really have to step up my game if I'm going to keep taking these selfies! It takes so very little for our room to get messy. Anyway, I treated myself to a new outfit and to be honest, a new bra. Both were DESPERATELY needed. I don't like the idea of buying new clothes when I have so much weight to loose still but the only clothes that fit are workout ones and I'm tired of always looking like I'm going out for a run. Kind of false advertising, huh? My 5 year old told me it only matters if I like it - something I always say to her when she asks, "Do you like it?" I'm definitely keeping it. . . . #movemorefitnessambassador #sweatpink #fitmom #fitspo #fitfam #lchf #lowcarb #lowcarbdiet #messyhairdontcare

A post shared by Sabrina Horton (@runloveyogamom) on Jul 5, 2018 at 11:25am PDT