Running On Empty

Tonight, I had a mini-meltdown a few minutes after walking through the door.

It's a beautiful, sunny, nearly 50 degree Spring afternoon and my training plan calls for an easy 5 miles. This is a no brainer.  I should go home, do what I need to do as quickly as I can so I can lace up my running shoes and just run. Duh.

But like an unruly toddler I can't. I won't. You can't make me. I'm tiiiiiirrrrreeed. 

Why?  Our little family had another non-stop busy weekend. One of those weekends where I had every detail planned down to the minute and if anything veered off course it would have derailed us and of course, led to complete disaster. OK, maybe I'm being dramatic but you get the point.

Toss in the fact that I work full time, have a three(nager) and I've been dealing with some medical issues lately (I was at the doctor's office 4 times in a week) plus I can't seem to sleep longer than 5 hours a night (hello, adrenal fatigue) I'm as one friend called me "a hot mess." 

5 easy miles ain't easy when you are this tired and just over it.

Am I going to beat myself up over this?  The perfectionist in me will a little. Sure. Did I give myself a pep talk into trying to go for a run?  Oh yeah, didn't work. Don't care either. I'm that beat.

I'm running on empty.  My body and my mind need a break and a rest.

I started this journey to be a better version of myself, but to be a better wife and mother too. I can't do that running on empty. If I had gone on that run tonight I guarantee I would have felt better at some point but I would have felt lousy to come home to see my overtired daughter who had a rough day at school sobbing for her mommy while my equally overtired husband, who works his butt off for this family every day, trying to console her.  That kind of situation isn't good for anyone.  By not running tonight I'm still putting myself first.

Tonight, I'm hanging up my running shoes and snuggling with my family because right now that's what I need more and I'm alright with that.

I'll run tomorrow. I'm OK with that even if I am changing The Plan. I might even run better.

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