This morning's run (7 in a row) was much needed. Thank you old school hip hop for getting me through it! You see, even though I am smiling in my picture, I am not OK. God, I love my almost 3 year old but I'm at my breaking point with no rest in sight. She wakes up at 6 am screaming at the top of her lungs and doesn't stop until her head hits the pillow at night. I can't pass her off to her Dad because she wants nothing to do with him, she's attached to my hip, which means I now have two people to comfort.
So why am I smiling? Because I've been taught to mask the depression, anxiety and pain. I've been taught that people will like you more if you don't show it. I've been taught I have to keep the peace so I should just deal. I've learned it's easier to apologize even when I'm not in the wrong. Don't even get me started on the toxic positivity I was fed - it could take up an entire therapy session. "Look on the bright side! Just smile! Think positive!" Well, that's bullshit. It's unhealthy. Feelings are meant to be shared and not boxed away.
It's OK to not be OK.
#mentalillnessawareness
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